its time to woman up.

The good news of Jesus brings interruptions in peoples lives…and I could use a good interruption.

I feel as though I am about to realize what it means to become a good steward of my time. I calculated it out today at work and realized that I’m about to work a 60+ hour week; of which 31 of those hours will be worked between thursday and friday. Yea…and I thought school was going to be stressful??? Its ok though. I have this strange peace about it all; as if I’m standing exactly where I am supposed to be; a feeling that I never had about school since the middle of sophomore year. Its pretty swell. I am nervous about actually starting my job tomorrow. Training and all. I know I’ll be okay and that I already know what I’ve gotten myself into thanks to the “work a day in the life of” last week. Its just, I’ve never had co-workers like this before. In fact, I’ve hardly ever surrounded myself with people like this before. I’m pretty sure this is God’s way of getting me to be uncomfortable and to learn how to love people. Which is something I know I need to work on, and I’ve known that for a while. I guess this is what I get for telling God I want to be challenged, right? Eth even mentioned the other day when we were talking how I need to learn to love on people who I might not necessarily get along with. The statement hurt because I’d like to think of myself as the type of person who can. But that’s not necessarily true. I just kind of clammed up and didn’t respond. I do that when people confront me with things I need to fix. But I shouldn’t. Sometimes God uses people to speak into our lives so that we can grow. Its a matter of if we are listening or not.

I guess I just want God’s favor in a lot of different aspects of my life right now. I want His favor in my jobs: in my interactions with my co-workers and customers, how I handle myself under stress, how to respond in different situations that I’ve never had to deal with before, how to stay pure in my thoughts and actions when I’m surrounded by cussing and attitudes that are so distant from God’s love. I want His favor in wherever this “relationship” with this guy is going: either friends or more–I just want clarity and peace about it all. I want His favor on what I’m doing with my life and in my life: that He’s constantly challenging me–expanding my thoughts and ideas and in essence, making me into what He would have me to be. I want His favor over my time with Him: that I would not just do what a christian is to do just because its “right”, but because He deserves my time; because He deserves my awe and my praise and my all. I want His favor with my relationships with my friends: not only to those I still keep in contact with, but those who I seemed to have burned bridges with. I just honestly want His favor over my life.

Pastor Tyler was talking about how favor means asking God to use us how he would and to provide for the needs that we encounter. I want God’s favor over and in my life so that when I meet people in need I can help them. And all for His glory, because its certainly not my own. I can barely help myself. I want to be able to pull people up from their mourning and into gladness. I want to show them a spirit of life and lightheartedness instead of despair. I want to show them Who is love and that He loves them so incredibly much. I want them to know that they are sought after by Jesus. I just don’t want to sit around and let my life be a waste when there is so much that I know He could be using me for. I want to be used.

Only let us live up to what we have already attained. -Phillippians 3:16

–I don’t know about you, but I’ve attained life, freedom, joy, love, and a crown that says I am a daughter of the Most High King. I need to start acting like I’ve already attained it, instead of acting like I need to earn it.

Grace, mercy, peace, and love be upon you.