I'm Chi Alpha's new president.
Stunned? I was.
Hargett called me into the office today and told me that I was taking over for Bobby. No elections, no running, no voting. Perfect way to win a presidency if you ask me. :) Still though, I feel like I've somehow cheated my way into it. Sure there was no one technically in the running, especially since I didn't even know that a change of leadership was happening, nor did anyone else. But I still feel as though I don't deserve it; I know I don't deserve it. I mean, I finally stepped up in leadership this year, but all I really do is organize and arrange things. I'm a "2nd leader" for the Truth Project Lifegroup and I don't do anything there. I don't do one-on-ones with people because I clearly don't feel like God has given me a pastoral/shepherd mindset that would be needed (which doesn't quite make sense with the direction I feel that He's calling me....so somehow that quality is going to need to show up somehow I'm thinking...unless I'm just totally mis-reading what He's been showing me). Aspects such as: I'm a "complainer"; I'm "judgmental"; I'm "too loud"; and that I'm "annoying" are basically some, but not all, daily phrases I hear when hanging out with the guys. I just don't see why he didn't pick someone with better qualities; better spiritual qualities even. I know I'm growing closer to God, especially ever since I finally accepted his calling on my life, but when I get around the guys and they start having spiritual debates, or discussions on the Word-I feel like such a failure. I dwell in the Word daily, and yet if you were to ask me what I had read the day before, I probably wouldn't be able to tell you just because I don't retain what I read that well (which is odd because I love reading so much). Obviously there has to be characteristics in me that Hargett sees in order to entrust me like this, but I guess because I know my flaws I just can't see it. And there's not much that this "presidency" even entails; just some emails from the college that I'll need to keep up with to make sure deadlines are met on whatever they need; but still. I almost can't help thinking that he gave me it because I am good at organizing and detailing events and whatnot, which is fine because I know its one of my spiritual gifts that God has given me.
I was so excited about this earlier this afternoon, but now I question it. It was one thing to accept the fact that God was calling me into a leadership role to begin with...but now to be "in charge" of a group...that's a whole different idea. Then again...perhaps He's preparing me for something with Chi Alpha down the line. Maybe its not so much the missionary aspect, like the Hargetts or Moodys, but more of the administration of Chi Alpha as a whole, like Dennis Gaylor...or something like that. Even if it is more of what Gaylor does, its still missionary work, which would definitely fill the calling that I feel, but it would also play into what giftings God's placed in me. And now that I've thought this out in a way I can physically see it, instead of just jumbled up in my head, I'm getting excited once again. I'm excited to see what growth and opportunities He's going to use this "presidency" for. I'm excited to see just how He's going to play this all out. I'm excited to see just how much He is going to stretch/push/pull/prod me and grow me-spirtually, mentally, and physically throughout this all. I'm excited about not only the ups but the downfalls, the lows, that I'm going to go through. Because I know that He's got it under control and its in His hands.
So yea, I'm the new Chi Alpha president.
And I'm totally giving it up to God.
